I'm willing to share small tidbits of me. Who I am. What I experience. Why I do what I do. Just ramdom thoughts from me. Enjoy!
Who?
Name::Random me From::California, United States
I am a wife and mother of two boys. I work full-time in the electronics industry. It took me 6 years to graduate college (no, I'm not embarrassed-I finished, Dammit!) SJSU class of 1990. I love to cook, because I love good food. I'll pass on sweets, but will eat something with garlic or onion in a minute. I HATE cheese, except Mozzerella on pizza-and that has to be combination pizza. I hate chick flicks, but love a good thriller. My husband and I are real estate investors on the side. View my complete profile
Today, I went to my great aunt and uncle's house to just spend some time. My great uncle has always been very, very quiet. There is something mentally different with him, I dont know what it is specifically and I've never asked, but as far back as I can remember, he's always been this way. He's always been just very quiet. When I first knew him when I was very little, she was his care-giver, then in 1980 out of the blue, she married him. As an adult, I now understand she was motivated by money..makes me sick.
He is dying of lung cancer. He was diagnosed last March and he's 77, has smoked for over 60 years and along with his doctor has decided not to treat ths disease. Quality of life over quantity of life, blah blah blah....He wouldnt have fared this well with chemo. Well he's finally stopped smoking. He smoked up until 2-3 weeks ago. I've even purchased cigarettes for him. It wasnt going to give him MORE cancer.
Today was particularly sad. I helped him up to go to the bathroom, got him back to his bed, placed several blankets on him..Everytime I put one on, he'd ask for another and another and another. His liver is shutting down and his belly, legs and feet are swollen and he's icy cold.
I was going to step out of the room and he looked at me with his sad eyes and said "I'm going to die soon, huh?" Seriously, how does one respond? His name is Cleo, I stopped an looked at him and said "Aww, Cleo you make me sad when you say that. Is that how you feel?"
He responded through heavy pants, "I cant wait to just die."
I just asked him if he's been praying and if anyone from his church had been to see him. He said "yes". I told him I dont think dying is a bad thing. At some point, we all do it. He'll be whole again - no more pain, sickness, and whispered no more "yap yap yap"... indicating his wife's voice. He smiled and nodded. At this point, he's incapable of laughter, but he wanted to laugh.
Later in the day, he said he's proud of me for taking care of him. Those are the sweetest words I could hear from a man who rarely vocalizes anything. Those words made my day.
It's day by day...heck moment by moment. I keep my cell phone on 24 hours a day awaiting the call that help is needed or that he's gone. ugh..
Posted by Random me ::
11:53 PM ::
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