Robyn's Place

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mother's Day to generations of the past

It's Mother's Day, so I'd like to write about my grandmothers..

When I was born, I had five of them. A great-great grandmother Sarah, two great-grandmothers: Gwen and Ella and two grandmothers: Willie and Erma. As of this week, they are all gone. I always counted myself rare and blessed having so many grandmothers throughout my life.

Willie - the only grandparent that I referred to as "grandma" or "grandma Willie", was my father's mother. I'd only met her a few times, but I do remember her. She was very patient and calm. She had long silky hair that went down her back. Many say I look just like her and when I see pictures, yea--you can say I do. More than anyone, my father looks so much like her. He has her same patient and calm demeanor. She passed away in 1986.

Gwen, or "Miss Gwen" as everyone called her had her first and only child (my grandfather) when she was 13. She was something else. She would tell you exactly what's on her mind. She loved Budweiser beer and after the passing of her 2nd husband, Jim, she lived in their tiny house out in the country in Texas for years all by herself. She was in her early 90's when my mother and her brother moved Miss Gwen into an assited living facility. Miss Gwen passed away nearly 2 years ago--five months shy of her 100th birthday. She felt ill on a Monday, was taken to the hospital and it was discovered that she had colon cancer, she fell into a coma on Tuesday and by Wednesday afternoon, she was gone. Her cancer may have gone undetected because she was able to care for herself and perhaps no one noticed the signs. Miss Gwen was 97 in the above picture.

Sarah was my maternal great-great granmother and passed away when I was very young. I have no memories of her, but I do have pictures. The picture to the right is my grandmother, Erma and her grandmother, Sarah in 1955. Hehe.. as I'm learning more and more about photography, I wonder why 50% of the pic was wasted on sky and whomever took this picture didnt realize that they can fill the frame with their faces (can you imagine how priceless a closeup of their faces would be?) and why is there a telephone pole growing out of my great-great grandmother's head? Like a Teletubby..Why? :)

Ella was Sarah's daughter. I remember her very well. She had a quaint little house near San Francisco and it had this cute antique furniture and I remember the house had no hallways-just rooms connected to one another. Even one of the bathrooms was right smack in the middle of the house with no windows, and it had a classic clawfoot tub. She had a sweet high pitched voice that I can almost hear to this day. She drove a 1964 Impala.. Cracks me up that my great grandmother drove a pristine future low-rider. "Aunt Ella" as we all called, her passed away in 1988. She was 84.

Erma was Ella's daughter. Erma was the grandmother I was closest too. She lived to spoil her grandchildren. She didnt have much to give, but she was always "doing" and "giving". She couldnt sit still at a party, she had to be up cleaning, organizing so the hostess could enjoy herself. Cleaning was a part of who Erma was. She actually enjoyed cleaning.

I remember when Erma was still living with my parents and he dementia was starting to get real bad, she would wake up in the middle of the night, thinking it was morning and start cleaning. This activity drove my parents nuts. She would get frustrated when my mother finally forced her to stop helping out around the house. She was putting things in the wrong place ( i.e. losing things), constantly asking "Ok, now where does this go?" and leaving the vacuum running and walking away--forgetting she was vacuuming. She nearly burned out a vacuum motor more than once.

You'll have to forgive me if Erma gets her unfair share of this post, she passed away this past Thursday afternoon. A few of the things I remember about Erma:

Her nick-name was "Bitsy". Her friends and family always called her "Bitsy". When she was a baby, her cousin Robert or "R.L." used to rock her in his arms and sing "itsy bitsy baby" and the name stuck.
She had this scratchy voice and she spoke in a loud whisper. She kept getting lesions on her vocal cords and it made her voice sound scratchy. She said before the surgeries, she had a soft voice, like her mothers.
She always carried buttered rum flavored Lifesavers in her purse.
She had this large gap between her two front teeth. When she was in her 60's, a dentist somehow filled the gap--that was just odd and wrong! I think he created a small tooth to go between her two front teeth. See? Odd and just so very wrong...
She had a large birthmark that covered a good portion of her left cheek. As she grew older she would try to cover it with makeup. That birthmark and the gap was all her. Perfectly "Erma".
She drank buttermilk regularly. Blech!!
She used to mis-pronounce the same words over and over and over again. She could not say my cousin (her own grandaughter) Karen's name properly. She called her "Car-Lyn" or something like that. Her last apartment was located behind a Safeway grocery store. She could look out of her bedroom window and see Safeway, or as she called it "Safewayzzz". When she was moved into the convelesant home, she still thought that "Safewayzzz" was right outside of her window.
She really didnt care for the taste of chocolate, but loved strawberry flavored ice cream.
Everything happened a month ago or as she said "oh, a mont' ago..." not two weeks ago or yesterday or three years ago. It was always "a mont' ago.."
She over-used the phrase "in other words"..when it really didn't apply. Here's an example: "Curtis is spendin' up all his time at the race track. Well in other words, I'm a go 'head on and cook dinner..."

She was unintentionally funny, well regarded and loved by so many. I'll miss her more than words can ever say.

Posted by Random me :: 10:39 AM :: 0 comments

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Friday, May 12, 2006

A tribute to my Grandmother

(from Thursday, May 11th)
I lost my grandmother today.

She was 81. She's been dealing with Alzheimer's for about 8 years. She finally "went home" today. My mother, father and I spent the day taking turns at her bedside. It's all kind of surreal right now. This was "the grandma".. Ya know? She was my "heart"...The one my brother and I loved to go spend the weekend with.

I remember when we were little, she would drop her spare change down in the bottom of her purse and on weekends, she would tell my brother and I, "go dig in grandmommy's purse and get that money" Even though she didn't have much to give, she always gave to others. She was a generous lady and always worked so hard, and she was so funny. She didn't even realize how funny she was. We'd laugh at some of the things she'd say and she wasn't even trying to be funny. She had comedic timing and she didn't even know it. She loved to dance and loved music. Even with her illness, you could see her feeling the music played in the room. She worked up until the point of the Alzheimer's early stages. She was 73 when we finally made her stop working.

Her name was "Erma" and that's what my brother and I called her. I never understood why I didn't call her "grandma" or something normal like that. I've always just known her as, well... "Erma". She called my brother and I "grandmommy's poompies" or "poompies" for short. Kinda cute when I think about it.

Today, I spent an hour and a half at her bed with my mother this morning and went back to work. I really didn't think she would go today. I really didn't. My mother called me back around 2pm and said her breathing had gotten even more shallow. I went back to the convalescent home and she had passed 5-10 minutes before I arrived. I sat in her room with her for almost 2 hours. I didn't want to leave her alone, even though I know "she" wasn't there... At 4pm, I said a prayer and left her side. She wont look the same to me next time I see her, so I'm glad I had some time with her. Why'd I have to pick today to be the first day to carpool with a fellow co-worker?

This odd feeling of immediate acceptance is all so strange right now. I wonder how I'll feel tomorrow. It's funny, with the Alzheimer's, you start to miss them, their personalities, while they're still here. I miss her immensely right now.

Posted by Random me :: 8:29 AM :: 2 comments

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